Now that we have Facebook and Twitter, I think the heyday of the personal blog for blogging sake has passed. At least the heyday has passed for me. Blogs that are going to teach me something about the world and the practical skills I need to better live in it are great, but I think most personal blogs are pretty boring. The only personal blog I read regularly is written by a dog and even that's focused on her hiking adventures rather than what she had for dinner and who's rear she sniffed.
I think I am *the most* interesting person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. (I hope you feel the same way about yourself because I am sure you are amazing!!!!) Still, I don't see the point of devoting time to blog here. That's how I know it's time to say "Sayonara SugarShakes."
I
strive for simplicity and excellence. Having a blog that I know I should update but never do makes me feel poopy. I'd rather devote myself fully to
one or two meaningful projects and get great results than to occasionally work on a
half dozen semi-pointless projects with ho-hum success. Not that it's impossible to
juggle multiple projects; that approach just doesn't work well for
me.
So here's what's happening: It's curtains for SugarShakes. For those of you who can't live without knowing where I had coffee or how I spent my weekend, I would like to first apologize for neglecting you. (I know have not been good about keeping this diary up-to-date.) I would also like to invite you to follow me on Twitter (I'm @itsolivialane) and become my friend on Facebook. If you love me as a blogger, come nerd out with me on green homekeeping at OliviaCleansGreen.com and be comforted by that fact that I plan share links to my guest blog posts on Facebook. xoxolivia
Sisters, have you recently decided to simplify your life by letting go of a project? Tell me about it in the comments.
Lately, things have been a little shaky for me. In just a three weeks, I will relocate from NYC for the first time to live in Providence, RI. I'll leave behind lots of friends, family, familiar streets, and the beloved subway system. I must learn to drive. I've got to rebuild my business and find a job to make a supplemental income while it grows. I'm doing all this with my boyfriend, which is taking our relationship to a whole new level of interdependence.
The experience of writing that list, alone, requires me to take a deep breath. I can't believe I have elected to live it out. To combat overwhelm, I must constantly remind myself that I don't have to do it all at once, that it can't all be done at once. While it's true these changes are happening in a small concentration of time when compared to my 32 years of life, it's also true that they are unfolding bit by bit each day.
Dealing with the day-to-day challenges that accompany these big life changes is manageable mostly because I find refuge in the familiarity of rituals. Every night, I brush my teeth and remove my contacts. I hop into bed and write a list of the things I am grateful for. Then I rub some lavender and bergamot balm onto my lips, tuck my head into my boyfriend's armpit, and go to sleep. In the morning, I pee, drink some water, and pop in my contacts. I fill three pages of in my journal with a stream of consciousness-- my dreams, my anxieties, my complaints, my wishes. I then read a random power thought by Louise Hay and move into my day.
My bedside table
My daily rituals aren't elaborate or exceptional, but they bring me peace. I perform them with the knowledge that I am love, I am loved, and I am Divine. My intention is to honor these comforting and empowering sacred truths that don't change with zip code, relationship status, employment status, or anything else.
Sisters, do you have a daily ritual? How do you celebrate and honor the divinity within yourself? If you're seeking inspiration to create or revitalize your ritual, check out How to be a Morning Goddess: 20 Goddesses Share Their Morning Rituals e-book on the *FREE* goodies page at GoddessGuidebook.com. (I'm having so much fun reading it right now.)
This blog post is part of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita,
"a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood,
ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" founded by Mishel
Herrera, Entrepreneur Empress.
Yesterday, a friend showed me a thank you note I had given him almost a year ago. It was posted on the wall above his desk along with other affirmations. It made me think of the thank you notes I keep on my living room mantle: cards and letters from clients, non-profit orgs, friends, family, and my sponsor child.
Recently, I wrote about the benefits of acknowledging gratitude for the gifts we receive. Today I am championing about the benefits of being acknowledged. Lots of people will tell you that doing good is its own reward. While that might be true a few words of gratitude always sweeten the deal for me. They are truly icing on the cake!
I feel motivated when I look at the thank you cards I've received. They remind me the work I do is important whether that work is cleaning an apartment, organizing a book swap fundraiser, attending a birthday party, or just sending along some pocket change so a child can eat and be educated. At the heart of that varied work is love and thank you notes encourage and empower me to love in more expansive ways.
Goddesses, I want to encourage all of you to bask in the glory of being thanked. Instead of dismissing what you have done by blurting "no problem" or "it wasn't anything," honor the person acknowledging you by recognizing the difference you have made from that person's perspective. I promise it will not only make you happier and more motivated, it will also give you something to be thankful for.
Sisters, do you save thank you notes? Was there a time you were acknowledged for your gifts or contributions and enjoyed it? Please leave a comment!
This blog post is part of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita,
"a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood,
ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" founded by Mishel
Herrera, Entrepreneur Empress.
My life is kinda awesome! (Correction: The name of the restaurant with the super sweet server is Chuko, not Chuelo. I suspected the ramen bar did not have a Latin-inspired name, but their neon sign with cursive writing is pretty hard to read.)
Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism,
more social connections and more happiness than those who do not,
according to studies conducted over the past decade. They're also less
likely to be depressed, envious, greedy or alcoholics. They earn more
money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and have greater
resistance to viral infections.
Thank you to whoever left this newspaper on the Q train! <3
Since I'm having a little trouble posting in this blog everyday I figured I should share photos of my lists. This way I'll at least have one post a day and you can get an idea of what's going on in the world of Olivia. It's a task I can do from my bed on my iPhone with the Blogger App! Thanks Blogger!
How often do you work through your lunch break? Do you sometimes turn down invitations to dinner with friends so that you can squeeze in an appointment with one more client? How many times have you used your workload as an excuse for not taking sick days or for skipping trips to the gym, the gyno, or even the bathroom?
I've been guilty of all the above transgressions more times that I'd like to admit, but it wasn't always like that. Back when I worked for "The Man", I was that person who dared to disappear from my desk at 1pm for a full hour-long lunch in the park and sung goodnight to everyone by 6pm so I could get home for dinner or meet friends for drinks. I also took ample breaks throughout the day to pee, snack, and dance at my desk whenever exceptionally awesome songs came up on my playlist. I wasn't a slacker. I just believed life should be fun and that work should be a fun part of life. The term self-care wasn't yet part of my vocabulary, but I knew intrinsically if I wasn't happy and healthy it would be harder for me to perform well.
Everything changed a year and a half ago when I started a residential green cleaning business. As a solo entrepreneur, I suddenly found myself working 16 hour days, usually without break. Responding to phone and email inquiries, booking appointments, marketing on social media, maintaining my website, cleaning apartments, posting flyers, laundering cloths and work clothes, diluting cleaning solutions, studying for my business management course, and researching cleaning techniques were all my responsibility, every day. It wasn't as terrible as it may sound because I am passionate about green cleaning and loved every aspect of running my business. The problem was that work was the only aspect of my life getting much love. I tried to squeeze work into every waking second of my day and often it crept into my dreams. This left little time for me to attend to my other needs.
I knew things were really bad when I realized at 8:30pm, during the 40 minute walk home from my second cleaning job of the day, that I hadn't consumed anything besides a muffin and a coffee-- not even water! I also did not find the time to poop. When I got home I quickly scarfed down a cold packaged sandwich and lots of ice cream while watching Survivor alone. I then got into a fight with my boyfriend over something stupid.
Alas, the Universe's most glorious gift to us is synchronicity! The following morning I received a video via email from superstar lady-parts holistic health counselor Alisa Vitti of FLO Living. Alisa explained how low blood sugar (ie skipping meals) disrupts our endocrine system and in turn negatively affects our mood, energy level, periods, fertility, and libido.
Cue the A Ha moment! I realized if I wanted to preserve my health, to save my sanity and my relationship, and allow my business to flourish, I was going to have to make self care a priority again.
In the two months since I first viewed the video, it's taking a bit of adjustment for me to learn self care in the context of being a small business owner and the live-in girlfriend of a self-employed programmer who also works long hours. I started with tiny, gradual steps like taking a daily vitamin, eating breakfast before work, wearing more comfortable shoes, and scheduling regular dinners with girlfriends. I've built upon those successes by cutting back on caffeine, alcohol, and fried foods, returning to the habit of journaling each morning and writing a gratitude list each evening, and completing a brand new beginners yoga course. I even enrolled in a local goddess circle for support.
Most recently, I signed up for The Daily Unwind program. Each day, my friend Kate emails me video and audio instructions for a three minute relaxation exercise grounded in yoga or meditation that I can do "anywhere, any time." I am embarrassed by how often I still try to weasel out of doing these simple exercises, but I am encouraged by how much better I feel once I actually do them. My muscles become limber. I get renewed physical energy, sort of like waking up from a nap. My creativity ignites.
I look forward to the day that I become one of those fabulous business women, like Alisa and Kate, for whom self care is as natural as breathing. Until then, I'm doing the oh-so-fun work of learning from their example.
Sisters, do you prioritize self care? What is, or was, your greatest obstacle to taking time for yourself? Have you overcome it? If so, how? Do you have a kick-ass self care habit or ritual that you'd like to share? Please leave a comment. <3
Also, did you watch Alisa's video? Seriously, you need to! If you enjoyed that video and want to see more like it (plus receive 2 free gifts!!) sign up here and have more videos filled with life-changing, goddess-loving info from FLO Living delivered right to your inbox!
This blog post is part of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita,
"a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood,
ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" founded by Mishel
Herrera, Entrepreneur Empress.
On Sunday, I participated in a women-only session of JourneyDance at Pure Yoga West. JourneyDance is an experience where an instructor gently guides a group in dance and play that celebrates our unique bodies, creativity, power, and desires.
Unlike many dance classes where the instructor scrutinizes your every gesture and insists on you doing it her way, there is only love at JourneyDance. Everyone is encouraged to enjoy the music and move in a way that feels good to her own body. "Dance like no one's watching," Toni Bergins, the instructor and founder of JourneyDance said. How about that?!
I left class feeling free and ready to unleash my powerful brand of awesomeness onto the world. I am encouraged by Toni's words. How will I dance like no one's watching in the world outside the yoga studio? Lately, I am working on overcoming my fear of failure as a writer by writing and actually putting it places that people will read it. Yikes and yippee!
How will you dance like no one is watching this week?
This blog post is part of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita,
"a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood,
ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" founded by Mishel
Herrera, Entrepreneur Empress.
"Bluetooth or Bonkers" is an urban street game I invented a few summers ago. It's easy to play alone or with friends. You just spy someone standing or sitting alone and talking in the distance. You then try to guess whether the person is speaking to someone on their cellphone via a headpiece or conversing with the voices inside their head. The best thing about this game is how many times I've reached a fairly "normal looking" pedestrian and been surprised to discover he or she is not sporting a headset.
The little voice inside your head isn't just for wackos anymore! We all have some internal dialogue swimming about our brains for most of the day. Personally, I'm usually engaged in some trivial decision-making process like whether to have coffee out or save a couple bucks and brew my own at home or wondering which socks to wear.
Sadly, the internal monologue can often be abusive or negative in other ways. "You could stand to loose a few EL-BEEs" is something I hear from myself a lot, even though I've weighed less than 125 lbs for most of my adult life. "You're not that smart" is another buzz phrase that pops up every now and then, despite the fact that I am actually a genius! These thoughts give me the hee-bee-gee-bees. They not only make me feel awful but they feel wrong. Not to get all Abraham Hicks on you, but my theory is it's because these negative thoughts are out of alignment with my truth, the truth that I am perfect-- perfectly me-- just the way I am.
The kind of internal dialogue that feels good is your truth and it's delivered to you via your intuition. Merriam-Webster defines intuition as "the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference." I've heard intuition described as wisdom given to us by our ancestors, which I think is pretty sweet too. These are the voices inside our heads that can guide us to happiness and well-being.
Have you ever had a sudden thought that made you smile or even laugh out loud, even though you were just putting groceries away or engaged in another equally mundane task? Have you ever looked in the mirror in the morning and thought "You are so cute!" and really felt it down to your bones, although you hadn't even yet touched your hair or showered. That's your intuition nudging you toward having fun and acknowledging your natural beauty!
I recently attended a workshop called Modern Femme~Sensual Prosperity in the hopes of working out a game plan to get physically healthier and to reach my writing goals. Life and wellness coach Tazima Ayana Davis introduced me to the seven chakras. She then led me through an exercise to summon each of them and ask every individual chakra for guidance on how to attend to it's needs and thus bring prosperity to my life. Her theory is we all already know how to heal ourselves and how to live our best lives. That information is inside of us.We just need to work to remember it.
The result of the exercise was thrilling. I've been feeling really picky about foods and bored in general with most of the things I eat lately. I discovered that my sacral chakra, an orange named Bobbi, wants to eat more yummy foods. This was not surprising, especially since the sacral chakra is all about pleasure. I was, however, surprised by her suggestion to select foods based on what attracts me, rather than following my shopping list or cooking from a recipe. I was afraid this would cause a serious riff in my family as my boyfriend does most of the cooking and requires a recipe. Also, I love lists and can't imagine shopping without one. *Chaos!* Still, I tried it a few times when eating out and those times I enjoyed tremendously all the foods I ate. I'm pretty sure I ended up eating healthier as a result too. Hurray for chakras!
Bobbi told me to eat the Si Se Puede salad at Angelica Kitchen for lunch.
Being open to receive and follow divine guidance is a big part of living as a goddess. I'd like to invite you to listen to intuition this week. Even if you don't know about chakras, you can still do this. Keep your ears and heart open to thoughts and ideas that feel right. Feed those thoughts. Ask them what else you can do to bring yourself more fulfillment and pleasure. That's not bonkers. That's so goddess!
"May I heal my spiritual body. I ask for my eyes, ears, and heart to be open to receive healing and guidance. May I learn to listen to my intuition, my higher self, which always knows exactly what I need to do to move closer to my true self."
Has a little voice inside your head ever led to you to make any wonderfully pleasurable choices, large or small? Please share your experiences in the comments!
This blog post is part of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita, "a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood, ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" founded by Mishel Herrera, Entrepreneur Empress.
Yesterday, I interviewed my La Dea Vita Goddess Gathering sisters to ask them what is their favorite thing about being a goddess. Almost everyone answered "community." I wasn't surprised. Having a group of girlfriends I can trust to listen, to encourage, and to literally be there for me at least once a week is huge. Their support has given me the courage to do all kinds of things I've been slacking on, especially in the self-care and creative areas of my life.
Me, interviewing Goddess Karli
The goddesses in La Dea Vita were fierce when our group first met a month ago, but we are fire now! Three goddesses are building an exciting business together. Another goddess is balancing being both pregnant and managing her bustling botanical solutions business which exploded as an internet sensation a few weeks ago. Another goddess has an exciting and thought-provoking burlesque show opening next weekend. One goddess got fired from her toxic day job, now her photography career is blowing up. I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a writer. So much awesomeness!
All this magic is happening because we've chosen to support one another as a community. We've made it a priority to commit three hours of the week to put our intentions in the improvement of our own lives and those of our girlfriends. I'm not claiming the amazing women in my group would not have been able to accomplish these things independently, but I am saying it's more fun and magical this way. And why not do things the fun and magical way?
I've been sharing a list of things I am grateful for each day with the group on our Facebook page and each day at least two women click "like." It's been so pleasurable for me know that not only is someone reading my list, but that my girlfriends are sharing my happiness. I can feel the energy of their happiness commanding even more things to be grateful for to come my way and I feel my heart opening up to accept it.
I tell this story to illustrate that creating community doesn't have to be a huge time or resource demanding thing. It's just requires the commitment to be fully yourself, to share your gifts and happiness, and to literally show up as a voice of encouragement and cheer for others. That's so goddess!
What do you do to create community with your girlfriends? How has (or how hasn't) being part of a goddess circle or other women's-only community, formal or informal, improved your life or the life of your friends? Pretty please, leave a comment! <3
This blog post is the first of a series called, That's So Goddess, which I am contributing to La Dea Vita, "a silk-road of Goddess inter-exchange of love, support, sisterhood, ideas, products, art, lifework & passion" organized by revolutionary women's athletic wear designer, Mishel Herrera.
This week I began reading Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts. This week was awesome! I'm not saying it might not have been awesome otherwise, but I'm pretty sure joining the Pleasure Revolution didn't hurt. I love you Mama Gena!
Saturday, March 24
Today was all about naps for me and Lucy. It was also about staying hydrated.
Sunday, March 25
This morning I went to The Secret City's monthly service alone, which means I didn't have to arm wrestle anyone to get a seat. The Secret City is sort of a church for artists and art lovers, and judging from the crowds and their well-deserved Obie, the secret is out.
One of the presenters was artist Kai Margarida-Ramirez de Arellano. I want to be her best friend! Kai uses a Mexican traditional art form called papel picado, which is delicate and intricate cut out paper, but with a bad ass subversive twist. Some of her subjects include flaccid penises, her romantically entangled grandfather and his wife's brother, and her mom's extracted tooth.
Later in the day, I went to my La Dea Vita Goddess Gathering. We talked about how to stop and observe and listen to our feelings. Our emotions and are bodies are really trying to communicate with us and share information that can help us be happier and healthier. My throat has been bothering me for nearly two weeks. It feels like something small and lumpy is trapped in the right side. I was surprised to learn that the throat chakra is related to communication, courage and creative connection. That really put a fire under my ass to make sure I started blogging again!
Monday. March 26
I attended my friend Chiquita's Oshun Returns Session, a Goddess Circle that provides a safe space for Black women to share and support one another. I went because I love Chiquita and I didn't have anything else to do, but I was floored by how healing the experience was. I didn't realize how much cultural baggage I had until I was able to release it all. Thanks Goddess Chiquita!
Tuesday, March 27
I went to the 2nd to last session of my Brand New Beginners Yoga Workshop at OM. Thanks to Natalie, I am this close to perfecting downward dog! I know it's not a very yogi thing to say but I really wanna get it right.
After class, I bought myself these flowers because I am a goddess and what's a goddess without flowers!
Wednesday, March 28
Okay, it's official: I now hate cleaning apartments. The first three hours are fine, but once you've been at it for a while you are just hungry and tired and wanna start strangling dust bunnies. I had two appointments today. Oi! The good thing about cleaning is I get to listen to lots of good educational and empowering stuff. I am loving me some WISH Summit right now. You usually have to pay lots of money to hear these amazing women speak, but it's free for everyone to download all of the summit interviews. Thank you Tera!
I also went to a really special secret dinner with lots of girlfriends. It was so awesome to have hugs and healthy food waiting for me at the end of a long workday.
Quinoa with corn, black beans, and cilantro. Brussels sprouts. Peas and pea shoots. Mmm...
I shared the photo of my flowers on Facebook and asked my girlfriends to comment on how they were going to celebrate their goddesshood. Inspired by their posts, I had planned to take a long bath and rub myself down with hot coconut oil, but I got home later than I expected. Rather than being discouraged, I took a short hot shower, shaved, and massaged myself with Aveda body oil. Further inspired, I changed my sheets. I usually do this in the morning because at night I'm tired and I don't want to have to make my bed an "extra" time. Woo! Glad I invested the extra few minutes on myself. Getting into bed sweat-free and with freshly shaved legs and clean sheets is my favorite!!!! I fell asleep fast and slept like a happy log!
Thursday, March 29
Oh, the infinite awesomeness of chasing your pleasure. The fun continues!
This morning, I was tired so I slept in, then I stayed in bed even longer with my boyfriend. *Wink, wink* (O yeah, with an emphasis on the O!) I decided that instead of rushing to work and foregoing breakfast, I'd tell my fabulous client that I was running late, and actually tell the truth instead of lying and saying I wasn't feeling well (which always makes me feel terrible) . She totally understood. Once I got there, we agreed that it might be better to just reschedule for after the weekend. (Her apartment was pretty clean since most of the family had been out of town since our last appointment.) So I got to spend some more quality time with myself and with Richard, who is having a light work week. Yay!
In the evening, I trekked to Bed-Stuy for an Intro to Kundalini Yoga class led by my friend Melissa Danielle. I'm not going to lie, it was very weird: lots of abrupt breathing and holding my arms over my head. Still, I'm glad I went. It's always a treat to see Melissa and have her share her knowledge.
Melissa, in traditional Kundalini garb, and my adorable classmates.
This amazing historic building that the yoga class was held in is also used a location for Boardwalk Empire.
I got home hungry and found Richard at home hungry too. Richard suggested La Pequena on Vanderbilt. I hate La Pequena because they always screw up my order, no matter what I order!?!!!! I don't even understand how this is possible, but it's true. I was tempted to just agree to go but since my day was going so well already, I figured what harm could it do to just see if some more magic could happen. I said, "We could go there. Or we could go to Chuko, if you want." Somehow "Yes" popped out of his mouth. I was so happy. (I love love love Chuko but we've only gone twice together since Richard isn't a huge fan.) We both were happy. It was such a delicious, romantic, and fun dinner for both of us!
Friday, March 30
I slept in again then I woke up and went to Milk Bar Brooklyn with Richard for breakfast. Since the breakfast menu is pretty cheesy and eggs, and I'm not a cheese and eggs kinda girl, I usually just drink coffee and eat some toasted bread with avocado. *Whoopie. Not!*
Today, I just said "fuck it" and ordered the veggie chili even though it was 10:41am when my bowl arrived. OMG it was so good! It had eggplant in it?! I know!!!! Weird, but delicious!
We then went to Glass Shop and discovered there are still places in Prospect Heights that you can get and outlet and a seat. Wow! Also the most chipper and friendly barista was working there. I wish I had gotten a picture of her. She was glowing!
After a few hours there, we went next door to PeteZaaz. One the way there, we saw this guy:
Small world story: PeteZaaz is owned by one of my clients' roommate so I didn't feel weird asking him questions, not that he is shy at all. He told me the place is made with savaged stuff, like wood from his friend's deck, vintage pinball games, and old Brooklyn family photos. It's gorgeous, both cavern-like and clean feeling- which is a hard thing to pull off.
The backyard will become a beer garden with movie nights in the summer!
I haven't written in this diary consistently in 5 years. Ouch! My ego just wants to hide in a cave and snack nervously on Triscuits until anyone who ever knew I had interest in writing and drawing dies. It's embarrassing to not be doing what I love, what makes me feel like a happy human being. Kinda like how it's embarrassing to have guests come over to find your bathroom looking like a hairy hobo troll had been partying in it with his forest friends. Both are shaming not because the conditions affects other people, but because it makes it clear that you aren't taking care of yourself in the most basic ways.
If I ever want to start having fun again I've got to come out of my cave and actually have fun. At the risk of coming across as having an inflated sense of self-importance, I shall compare my comeback to that of Paul Rueben in 2009 with the Broadway stage production of Pee-Wee Herman. Sure, I've rubbed myself (and perhaps some other people) the wrong way by neglecting my writing and artistic career, but dammitt, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up!
Two weeks ago, I gave my lovely cleaning clients and myself one month
notice. In the meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how this writing and
doodling thing can translate into my bills being paid and adventures
presenting themselves to me. So far, it seems the best I can do is just write, doodle, and love myself enough to allow all the awesome experiences I deserve.
I hope that you will trust me too. I am promising to share all the awesomeness with you here everyday because it's fun for me to share and because maybe you're interested or maybe you're just really polite and have some extra time on your hands. Both work for me! (I promise most of the posts won't be this long!)
Please leave a comment so I know you've read this, even if it's just "hi" or "thanks.". Please also leave any comments about your experience with forgiveness, pleasure, procrastination, and pussy power. <3
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